Should you report sexual harassment?

By on July 15th, 2010 In Best Practices

The Supreme Court nominee hearings always remind me of Clarence Thomas, and Clarence Thomas always reminds me of Anita Hill, which reminds me of sexual harassment, and well, you get the idea.   We all know what happened to Anita in 1991 for reporting the harassment – she was belittled in the press, accused of fabricating the story, and in the end Thomas was confirmed.   It’s 2010 – what’s the best policy now?  Report or not report?

Although I’m not a fan of her blog overall (I think she tries to be controversial a little too often), I do find Penelope Trunk’s Nov 2006 post on sexual harassment  interesting.   “Most sexual harassment isn’t severe enough to hold up in court,” she writes, ”and the law isn’t strong enough to protect you from most types of retaliation. So unless your safety is at risk, you’re usually best off handling the harasser yourself rather than reporting him to human resources.”

The punitive part of my brain says, hey, that guy who harassed me should pay for his transgressions.   The logical part of my brain thinks, hey, better to approach the harasser immediately and privately to address my concerns. Give him a chance to change his behavior before calling the HR cops on him.

I’ve had a couple of situations in my work history where I was uncomfortable. Following are the stories, and I asked Human Capital Business Consultant Josephine Svendblad to review the accounts and weigh in on what I should have done.  Both instances happened when I was in my mid-20s, the same age Anita Hill was when the incidents occurred.

Story 1 – I was working for the communications department of a high-tech company. I had worked closely with the in-house video manager on several projects. He was in his early 40s, married with kids.  One day after I had picked up my tray in the company cafeteria, he came over to me in the middle of the cafeteria and ran his hands up and down the sides of my body.   “You look so good today!” he exclaimed.  

Needless to say, I was pretty shocked and stunned, not to mention a bit defenseless because my hands were holding my tray. My boss, the marketing communications manager, witnessed the whole thing and came over to my office after lunch and asked me if I wanted to report it to the HR director.   I was so embarrassed by the whole incident and so reluctant to have it go anywhere or continue to think about it that I told my boss, no.   A few months later, after I had left the company and read of the video manager’s promotion, I actually sent him a congratulatory note.   This was my way of denying both to myself and to him that the incident had occurred and assauging my embarassment and horror.   

Story 2 – Not quite so blatant in physical proximity, but uncomfortable nonetheless. I worked as a public relations manager for a large high-tech company. One of the other marketing employees was a good ole Texas boy in his 40s, married with kids.  Every time he passed me in the hallways, when no one else was in earshot, he would comment on how good or nice I looked that day. It was always uttered in the creepiest of fashions, not as a sincere neutral compliment. The first one or two times, I thanked him.  After that, I just tried to avoid him altogether. 

Here is Josephine’s take on what I should or might have done instead:

1. It does not matter how old a person is, harassment of any kind is unacceptable and illegal. The best thing for Linda to have done is to have told the video manager that his comment was unwelcome and that if it happened again that she would inform management. But let’s face it, people get caught off guard as Linda did in this case and she was stunned. I think that Linda handled the situation well. My advice for her then would have been to escalate to management if his behavior continued. Taking the high road and congratulating him was a display of closure for you, good for you.

2. My advice is to always take charge of a situation like this and first tell the offender to “stop” right when it happens. If an individual does not cease with his/her behavior then it really needs to be brought to managements/HR’s attention. I think that Linda should have escalated this instead of uncomfortably avoiding him in the hallways. If this man offended Linda with his creepy behavior “when no one was around” then he most likely offended others as well.

*******

Fast forward to the late 90s, when I was in my late 30s.  I was working for a startup company where the ratio of men to women was heavily lopsided.   One of the engineers with whom I was casually friendly wanted to demonstrate to me how strong he was, and clasped me in a body stranglehold.    This time, instead of shutting down with embarassment at having my personal space invaded, I yelled out loudly, “Take your hands off me!”  He relinquished me immediately and seemed genuinely embarassed, and never hassled me again.

Have you ever had a weird moment at work and wished you could go back in time and handle it differently?

Comments

Marketing Sociologist Says:
July 15th, 2010 at 2:37 pm

One of my favorite shows of all times was Lou Grant, so I’m steeped in morals. I’m firmly against homicide, spouse battering, sexual harassment and I’ve even reported people trying to bribe me as a reporter. I’m sure that complaint didn’t go far to the company president I reported it to.

On the other hand, I was making hands over fist $$$ for a company I was working for. They could not believe how much we were generating with my marketing and sales plans. This was a large company.

One morning I was called into HR and accused of sexual harassment because when I was putting my lunch in the company refrigerator, I said, “Are you having a good day?” to a young blond as I waited for her to put her lunch in before me.

Don’t know what her problem was. I believed her to be mental. So I stewed for two hours, walked back to HR, said, “I don’t need to take this crap. I quit.” Maybe impulsive. I realized the company had to pursue the complaint. But at that moment, I was upset that a company could accuse me of sexual harassment for that statement.

I was once accused of the same thing at my gym by someone I don’t even remember. She accused me of following her home. I had the gym manager call a friend who testified I was at dinner with them the time she accused me of harassing her in the gym, then following her home.

So the company lost me making obscene $$$ for them, the gym lost my membership. You need to temper accusations – any accusations. Otherwise we might believe every illegal carries drugs and cuts off heads.

In this day when women comprise nearly 70% of all PR jobs nationally, and what appears to be 95% in Arizona, we must be diligent of both actions and complaints. It doesn’t need to be a man harassing a woman. It can be the other way around or even sideways. So be careful when hearing accusations and be careful when accusing. Make sure you step out of your own perspective and look at the other person’s point of view. Then, if you truly believe it to be harassment – act. I like Linda’s idea of confronting the person first before complaining to authorities. That’s a better way to clear misunderstanding.

Linda Capcara Says:
July 16th, 2010 at 9:54 am

We’ve all exprienced it and my generation never reported it. As the years have gone by, I have seen a huge difference in corporate behavior once the lawsuits did start coming in. From what I’ve seen, many companies have incorporated sexual harrasment training programs and encourage the abused to speak up. Let’s hope this trend continues.

Coco Says:
July 16th, 2010 at 10:03 am

I agree that speaking to the individual first is a good idea, but I think that can depend on the position the harasser has in the company, and it can backfire.

What I’d like to know is why Linda’s boss didn’t step up to the video manager. The boss was in the perfect position to speak to him, since he/she witnessed the incident firsthand. The boss would have been well within his/her rights as a manager looking out for both his/her employee and for the company. He/she could have calmly pointed out that putting hands on someone in that manner was unacceptable and clearly sexual harassment—and that the video manager and the co. could be sued. In addition, he/she could just have said that although Linda was probably too polite and too shocked to say anything, he wanted the lines to be clearly drawn.

Although Linda’s boss handled the matter well with her, a word to the video manager (even if the mgr. was truly clueless) would have caught him up short; made him aware that other people were observing him; and nipped that behavior in the bud. Linda herself saying anything would have had less impact–the video manager could easily have laughed it all off, saying that she was too sensitive.

Jonathan Bowden Says:
July 19th, 2010 at 7:57 am

I totally agree that this kind of thing should be reported. Unfortunately, especially in our highly-sensitive culture, this tend to go beyond the bounds of reason. If a female employee gets a new hairstyle, for example, I can’t offer her a simple compliment on it out of fear that I’ll be sued and my career destroyed.

Linda VandeVrede Says:
July 19th, 2010 at 4:03 pm

We seem to have come far on the issue since the 1980s, and yet, I feel sorry for the men in some regard – to have to walk on eggshells for fear of being taken the wrong way with a compliment is no fun, either. That said, I know a genuine compliment from a creepy one. :)

Deb Krol Says:
July 19th, 2010 at 5:27 pm

Here’s my personal take on it: if you feel very uncomfortable, report it. If you are physically threatened with loss of your job, pay cut, promotion denial, etc., report it and sue the SOB [or DOB!]

If on the other hand you simply feel slimed, do what I do: Give said perp a grade. Yep, grade the slimeball’s harassment. Do that enough times as deadpan as you can [and hopefully within earshot of other women!] and sooner or later you will be left alone.

“Ah, I give that one a D-.” Humiliation works.

Nancy Rafi Says:
July 20th, 2010 at 9:39 pm

I was the recipient of unwanted sexual advances when I was in my late 20s. I was working for the federal government in a position that put me in contact with senior military personnel and civil servants.

One day in the mail came an addressed interoffice envelope with a computer printed letter asking me to be involved in a “military sanctioned project” that would require me to be photographed nude…all for the good of military morale. The letter was signed “your project coordinator” and gave instructions on where and when I could meet that person if I was interested in his exciting little project.

I immediately stormed into my civilian supervisor’s office and showed him the letter. He then took me to my military supervisor’s office and together the three of us decided what to do…I decided to “meet” the person to find out who it was and then nail his/her ass to the wall. If I was being approached in such a manor, how many other women were being approached and hadn’t said anything yet? What would happen if one of the women was naive enough to go through with the proposition?

Well, after working with my superiors and the Investigative Police for a few weeks, I helped gather enough evidence from my perp to have him arrested on the military base for his actions. Turned out he was a senior officer and had been pulling this stunt for over 8 years all around the world, and many women had gotten involved with his scheme, as he had been their supervisor and they were afraid of his authority.

He was asked to retire (full pay of course), and paid a minimal fine. Did I feel it was punishment enough? No.

I sued his ass in civil court for sexual harrassment in the workplace and took the story public. The story was picked up by AP and UPI and ran in print from USA Today to The Washington Post. If nothing else I was going to make sure people knew about his antics so that if he ever approached another woman at least she’d be forewarned.

It’s true that I didn’t save the world but I stood up for myself and for a great many other women who couldn’t stand up for themselves, and showed this creep that he had messed with the wrong “little lady” that he thought I was. And if I had it to do all over again, I’d do it just the same way.

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